…make a spaghetti bolognese! I thought it was about time I explained my sombre mood from over the past couple of weeks. Its a bit of a rant, bit of mental relief and also just because not every day is perfect. I am a half glass full kind of person but this month has been quite tough, for many reasons.
Being a Mum is the hardest job I have ever taken on, emotionally, physically and it is 24/7. There is no clocking off. This forever job, that I signed two contracts: one for Noah and one for Isla, has been testing over the last few weeks. The children have pushed and pushed, I have found myself constantly shouting and feeling frustrated. But it was only after reflecting this week that I have realised it’s not their fault. I am frustrated because of multiple things. Not them.
I sat myself down and said “What would you do on a normal day?” and it wouldn’t be scream and shout. It would be to be silly, playful, cheerful and rational. So then I started to reflect on why I wasn’t dealing with things in my usual manner. There was a list as long as my arm, but once I thought about it and got it off my chest – my list seemed less daunting. Things that were BIG in my mind were now trivial. There is no better medicine than a walk around the countryside to clear your mind.
I suppose you could say it started at work when my boss launched a nuclear missile, well no not really – just a restructure. I am the sort of person that takes on peoples emotions and I care. Tensions are high, as you can imagine, and I feel relationships are fraying. It has been quite stressful.
Then came the loss of my brother. After the shock had worn off I just felt exhausted. Supporting my Dad through this process is completely energy draining, not that I am complaining in the slightest – but I have had to store energy aside to support him. To listen. To try and think logically, rationally and support him through this horrible time. I am still not sure what words to pick out and I am really not looking forward to the funeral next Week. I don’t suppose anyone really does.
Hubby’s not had a good week either, which isn’t nice and that also puts pressure on me.
On top of all of this you have the Mummy jobs to do, the housework and the fundamental things to keep me alive – eating for one. Even that seems like a difficult task these days.
Do you ever have times like this when you feel like WHAT ELSE IS LIFE GOING TO THROW AT ME? I am hopeful after the funeral next week things will start to simmer down and emotions calmed. I will begin to put the jigsaw pieces back together again and get back to our kind of normal. I am grateful I have such good family and friends who can listen to me moan and give me good advice. Or make me laugh when I need it the most. So this is my little bit of mental relief, hopefully it will help someone else going through a lot of tough times or at the very least make you realise – you’re not alone.
Happy to chat in the comments below or on social media: @mummyconstant.
EmmaSeptember 20, 2018
Wow, no wonder you have felt so overwhelmed of late – I am so sad to hear about your brother. Supporting your Dad is so important but taking time for you is too. You can’t be everything to everybody all of the time as much as you would like to, be sure not to burn out. Being a mum does mean you don’t get to clock off, I can totally relate to that. There have been times and situations for me this year that I’ve felt like I haven’t had the time or the head space to be able to fully processs changes (good and bad) and come to terms with what they have meant for me and our family. We all have times when we just want to hide from the world or shout at it but as a mum we can’t always do that. I think getting things off your chest is always helpful, breaking it all down and tackling them one step at a time definitely puts a different perspective on it all. It also helps to have a husband who is always pretty positive to my negative! Hope next week brings some closure and the start of new beginnings for you all x
Sabina GreenSeptember 20, 2018
Blimey I had no idea, I am so sorry you are going through such a stressful time. There is something in the air at the moment, so many people seem to be dealing with massive life issues. My sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your brother too, try to take time for your own grief too xxx