This evening we had a little family scoot around our town, with a very special mission in mind.

My beautiful friend @gembro82 has started off a very long and colourful snake. The idea is you decorate a rock and add it to the snake. 🐍 Over the past 2 weeks its grown to over 400 rocks.

We loved it. It’s quite moving seeing all of these rocks, #rainbow themed or character themed. It shows just how many children are sitting at home missing their friends and that interaction.

It also demonstrates how we can support each other and work together through these daunting times.

Do you have a #SnakeRock near you? Or, do you have something similar?

#mummyphotoaday

This evening we had a...

Would you believe me when I tell you this was this morning? It was. It was directly in-between 2 rather scary looking rain clouds that unleashed their power!

The kiddies didn’t mind. They loved splashing around in the river, despite us warning them the weather would be changing very soon. Thankfully the blustery rain showers were short, albeit powerful.

The kiddies love this spot. They’ve asked to go every single day since they discovered it. I see it being a popular choice over the Summer.

This was taken with my phone. I am completely in #love with the camera on this phone. I love the fact I can take clear, vibrant and detailed photos whenever I have my phone with me.

Have you got a favourite spot that you visit more frequently than before lockdown?

#mummyphotoaday

Would you believe me when...

A great way to spend some time whilst waiting for the best delivery of your life! It was fun watching the kiddies play this game; daddy had to find the kiddies on the trampoline. I love how vibrant the colours are in this photo. Especially the #orange opening.

It seems easy but it’s quite disorienting. The kids love it. I love the anticipation of when Daddy will get them!

Our big delivery was our garden furniture. I’ll post some photos when it’s not quite so windy. The wind blew the cushions all over the place this afternoon. Our rather large patio is looking like a cosy spot to spend the summer now!

I’m hoping we’ll get in some chill time this weekend, enjoy our garden and just be safe at home.

What are you up to this weekend?

#mummyphotoaday

A great way to spend...

We are very excited to announce a fabulous competition with @toysforapound_ - they are giving away 2 bundles of 25 toys for 2 of my followers.

The kiddies had fun going through all the toys, there is a great choice of toys too. Something for everyone: including little ones. Or even the grown ups.

Enter on the blog, link in bio or check out my competition stories. You’ve got to be in to win it!

#Quicktip if you want to impress the kids this summer order a bundle of toys from @toysforapound_ - they were amazed with the amount of goodies in the box!

If you want a 10% discount code, please use CONSTANT10, this will work once per customer!

Good luck! #mummyphotoaday

We are very excited to...

I had precisely 30 minutes of sunshine this evening to test out my new iPhone camera. I absolutely love it.

The photos I have taken are stunning. The quality of the colour and the light, the fun angles of the new lens. I took this photo by accident, I adore it.

It’s world #bee day today and when I was taking this photo all of a sudden I noticed 5 or 6 buzzing around me collecting the pollen. 🐝 They fascinate me.

I can see I am going to have a lot of fun with this new phone... Anyone else have any cool tips for the new iPhone?

#mummyphotoaday

I had precisely 30 minutes...

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week, this week, and the topic is KINDNESS. Kindness doesn’t cost a thing, but the effects of being kind to someone can have many benefits. I would definitely say cost vs value, value wins every time! 🤣 I think that kindness is more important at the moment as everyone needs that extra lift to make them smile.

Smiling releases hormones, endorphins, which makes us feel happy and also helps to reduce stress. So, it’s a good circle: be kind to someone - make them smile - make yourself feel happy in the process.

On Sunday Hubby showed me kindness when he took the kiddies out for a bike ride and gave me some time on my own. I needed the headspace as I’ve felt frazzled over the last 2 months. He knew that, subconsciously, and knew that taking the kiddies out would make a difference to my day. It did.

I smiled. I painted. I chilled. I felt happier.

In honour of #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek - I want to spread a little kindness in my teeny square part of the world!

Comment on this photo and I will reply to you with kind words, which will hopefully make you smile.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

#kindessmatters

It’s Mental Health Awareness Week,...

I find I spend most of my days, at the moment, just watching these 2. When they are friends, they are the best of friends. They have the most bizarre conversations and talk about the most random things. But I love listening to that!

One of my #projects over this lockdown period is to get our garden into tip top shape for Summer and another is to take more photos. I love taking photos, it’s my favourite hobby and I’m looking forward to trying out the new iPhone 11 camera at the end of the week.

This photo was taken with my iPhone 8 Plus. I think it takes amazing photos. So I can only imagine the 11 will be better! 💛 Have you seen my iPhoneography tips on the blog?

Do you have any Summer, lockdown, projects?

#mummyphotoaday

I find I spend most...

We’ve been busy little bees 🐝 today! The kiddies got through 95% of their schoolwork, yes that’s right! I was gobsmacked when I finished work. They get set weekly tasks on a Monday, then new Maths & English tasks each day. Is tomorrow they have 1 weekly task left, then it’s just Maths & English. I am so impressed. They’ve completely smashed it!

I had a productive day too, I had 2 new starters at work and had to ensure they are settled in their roles. It was different via Teams but I’m hoping I can still manage effectively remotely. It’s so hard not sitting next to people, as you just don’t know how quickly they work or how they work. I’ve got to learn to talk a bit more! I’m so happy we have a full team though! 🥂

Another 2 reasons why I’m feeling happy today: our outdoor furniture is being delivered this week (2 weeks earlier than I thought) Whoop Whoop and my iPhone upgrade is due this week. I can’t believe I’ve had my iPhone 8 Plus for 2 years! It’s the best iPhone I’ve had to date.

These guys are trying #new things in the garden too. Isla got this for her birthday. I used to love a skip ball when I was a child. And a Pogo Ball? Can anyone remember these?

#mummyphotoaday

We’ve been busy little bees...

Finding my very own version of happy #MentalHealth

Happy. Mental Health. This is not something I have talked about often, if at all publicly. With the push to make people more aware about mental health, I thought I’d share my story. Or at least a part of it. It’s been a tough journey which started nearly 6 years ago when I had my baby girl. There are 3 distinct periods of my world that led me down a “not so half glass full” path. Which is very unlike me. I am usually such a positive and happy person. I was dealt emotions that I never anticipated and had to face them. Or hide behind them in some cases.  Some emotions took me longer to face than others. Some I am still managing!

My brush with PND

Now I can’t be 100% certain that it was PND. But on reflection, 5 years down the line, I labelled it that. When Isla was born she didn’t sleep very well, which is normal for a newborn I know. She would be awake in the middle of the night screaming. In pain. Wriggling in agony. She couldn’t be settled until the pain passed. This happened most nights. This kicked in the absolute exhaustion. I felt tired, I felt terrible that I couldn’t make her pain go away and I felt guilty that all I wanted was sleep. My then 18 month old needed my attention too and if I am absolutely honest with myself I didn’t give him that. I just cried. I cried everyday. If someone asked me how I was, I’d cry. I couldn’t stop crying. It was only when life was a bit more of a routine that I started to cope with my new world!

Hubby had his own photography business at the time. There was a lot of pressure on both him and myself. We used to shoot weddings together, this meant 12 hour days on location. Smiling. Socialising. Making people laugh to get the right shot. The worst part though was that I couldn’t breast feed and work 12 hour days. So I had to stop breast feeding Isla at just 3 months. I wasn’t ready. Neither was she. My entire body has been crying out to feel that bond with her again, ever since I stopped. I harbour a huge feeling of guilt because of it too. It’s the one major regret I have. To top it all off, I went back to work after only 6 months. So I felt guilty about that too. 

I often feel the reason I spoil them so much is literally down to my own guilt for the choices we made back then.

Losing my Grandad

This was an extremely hard and dark time for me. It was just after Isla’s first birthday that we found out Grandad had cancer. He was 90. There was nothing they could do. It was horrific watching his decline. He stopped eating certain foods, slept more and more until all he did was sleep. He went into a local hospice mid July and passed away on the 1st August. He was my father figure growing up, he gave me away, he bailed me out when I needed him, he cuddled me when I needed it, he played games when I needed it and he let me drink his froth on the top of his pint of Guinness! He had one every night. He swore by it. I felt like I had been sucked into a vacuum afterwards. I can barely remember the following months. I was just on autopilot. Nothing really motivated me. I hated everything. I remember driving home from work one day thinking “the kids and hubby would be better off without me”! Quite unlike me. Over the years I have come to terms with it a bit more. I know we all have to die. I know I won’t have everyone around me forever. I also try to picture grandad up in the clouds walking his dog. I see him hiking around the wonderful landscapes of New Zealand where his family are. This makes me feel happy. Turning my thoughts around has been a big step. It has helped me control my emotions and snap out of the darkness I had been consumed by.

My Cancer scare

At the start of last year I was told by my GP that she thought I had cervical cancer. I know lots of women go through the abnormal cells letter of doom after a smear test. But I’m pretty sure they didn’t get the words “I think you have cancer” handed over with it. From the doctor whose standing at the wrong end, whilst your legs are in stirrups, with the look of dread on her face.

It was that doctors words that broke me. She said it only a few days before my hospital appointment to have the abnormal cells investigated. But it was 3 days of sheer mental torture. What if? A million different what if scenarios entered my head. I didn’t want to have cancer. I didn’t want to have a hysterectomy. Hang on: I didn’t? I want another child! Having the options taken away from you can all of a sudden do strange things to your wombstrings! But then I came to terms with a hysterectomy. It was better than the alternative option. I probably sound like a drama queen about now. I hope not. I can’t explain it other than I felt like I’d been swallowed up into a dark hole. I felt completely lost and scared. Thankfully the cells were not yet cancerous and taken out. Phew. It’s just a shame you can’t laser out the emotions too. I still had all these thoughts and feelings running around inside of me. It definitely made me appreciate what I have and since then have felt a new lease of life.

I started my counselling journey just after this. I only just finished it last month. I can’t begin to explain how helpful it was. To work through emotions, discuss strange feelings and thoughts and to feel that determination again to be myself. That’s the biggest thing for me, realising that I wanted to be myself again. 

I feel like a switch has been turned on again recently. Like something switched off back in 2012 and it’s been darkness since. Then ping… my glass seems half full again. My smile is real again. My emotions are there, but I’m managing them. I’m enjoying things again. I’ve started writing music again… something I definitely have to have the right energy for.

The aim is to continue on this path. I share my feelings with the people closest to me now. I had stopped doing this too, I tried to battle these emotions on my own for a long time. I don’t hold onto things anymore, with the fear I’ll be a burden to others or that no one wants to listen. As I’ve learnt the people that love me do want to listen. Want to help. I’m lucky I have such great people in my life that care about me. 

Everyone of the people around me support me in very different ways. I’ve learnt to identify those differences and embrace them. When I feel lost, I hold my husbands hand. When I feel like I miss Grandad, I sit in his armchair talking to Grandma. Or my uncle reminds me of where he is now, which helps me think more positively. When I remember how scared I felt last year, I give my babies a hug. When I feel guilt and pressure to be this fabulous multi tasking mother, worker and blogger extraordinaire, I just smile and say I CAN DO THIS. Then have a cuppa (Mumma’s answer to everything) or take a photo and do something creative. I’m pretty obsessed with my camera. I’m also very grateful to my lil sister who gave me Fearne Cotton’s Happy book for my birthday this year. I’m finding it helpful to identify words to describe my feelings.

I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be happy. My version of happy. And so far it seems to be working… if you want some advice and support the NHS have a great site called The Moodzone, check it out for a list of helpful numbers and information. Please do comment below or on social media (@mummyconstant) – I am a very good listener!

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9 Comments
  • Wise Ways
    April 14, 2018

    I can totally relate to your Granddad & cancer, we lost dad last year to cancer & it is to put i very bluntly watching someone you love the bones of being eaten alive. It is horrific & I myself have been in a very dark place & am finding my feet again as I type.

  • Lynne Manton
    April 16, 2018

    You have come through some tough times and it is only natural that sometimes you may nOt have managed as well as you would have liked.

    • MummyConstant
      April 16, 2018

      Thank you for the comment Lynne. You’re quite right! X

  • georgie pope
    April 26, 2018

    when i lost my dad i went a bit nuts

  • MMT
    April 26, 2018

    Such an honest and brave post. I think many of us will relate to having our own dark moments in life, along the way. Dealing with grief, motherhood and health scares can totally knock you sideways, but your ability to turn your feelings into such positives are frankly quite inspirational. your grandad would be so proud x
    thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

  • Michelle
    April 28, 2018

    I suffered Post Pardum Depression after my oldest that eventually lead to PTSD but not from having a baby. becoming a mother was just the catalyst that lead me down a very dark rabbit hole of guilt, nightmares, flashbacks and such. It took years of therapy but I have also found my version of happiness. It’s so important to find our own happiness especially in a world that constantly seems to bring us down. I loved reading your post! #CoolMumClub

  • Michelle Wild
    April 30, 2018

    Very honest and moving.

  • hELLO SONIA, VERY LOVELY TO FIND YOUR BLOG. i THINK WE ALL HAVE VARIOUS CHALLENGING EPISODES IN OUR LIVE THAT CAN MAKE US FEEL VERY UNSTABLE EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY AND IT IS IRONIC THAT FOR WOMEN MOST OF THOSE ARE LINKED TO THE ARRIVAL OF LIFE AND THE DEPARTURE OF IT. i CAN RELATE TO ALL YOUR STORIES HERE AND SADLY FOR ME MORE RECENTLY THE LATTER WHICH FOR ME DIDN’T END QUITE SO POSITIVELY. tHERE IS HOWEVER ALWAYS HOPE AND I HAVE FOUND THAT THE SUPPORT AND LOVE OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS CANNOT BE UNDERESTIMATED. hOLD THEM TIGHT! hOPE THAT LIFE IS LOOKING MORE POSITIVE FOR YOU. tHANKS FOR SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCES. #COOLMUMCLUB PS NOT SURE WHY MY RESPONSE IS IN cAPS!

  • Such a lot of emotions in this post… you’ve been thRough a lot, anD it’s great to hear that you’ve got so much help Through CouNcelling. Wishing you all the best on your continuIng journey through life xx
    #coolmumclub

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Friday 13 April 2018
Finding my very own version of happy #MentalHealth

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