Ithink as weeks go last week couldn’t have got any worse… The past 2 months has been a roller-coaster journey for my family, how do you get passed times like this? A week ago today we lost my wonderful Grandad, at the ripe ole age of 90 years old, to cancer – the horrible C word!
You can never be prepared, I knew he was 90 and of course I was under no illusion that he would live forever, (well I realised this when I was about 21) but still the past 2 months have been so quick and too quick to make sense of it all. 2 months ago Grandad was rushed to hospital for a blood transfusion, which led to CT scans and later an MRI scan: we were told, only 6 weeks ago that he had a tumor on his liver which was causing all kinds of nasty things to happen inside him. Over the weeks he has eaten less and less and grown incredibly weak, despite my Grandmas amazing efforts to look after him, it was all too much and on the 24th August he was taken to St Johns Hospice. Grandma and Mum were told the dreaded news that we had a few weeks left with him, my Mum said it was the hardest day of her life.
The team at the hospice were fantastic, you couldn’t ask for more. They made us feel welcome, informed and they looked after my Grandad to the best of their ability and as much as anyone could.
Friday the 26th of July everything changed, Grandad had transformed over night from his bubbly self, full of wit and silly humour – to very quiet and weak. I took Grandma to the hospice with the intention of staying for a few hours to spend some time with Grandad, expecting to talk to him and ask him questions – it wasn’t like that at all. We were told his condition had dramatically changed and he was put on the end of life program which, we were told could give us up to 72 hours with him. It broke all of our hearts, I felt compelled not to leave him as did Grandma and Mum and thats where we stayed up until he left us, 6 days later.
Thursday 1st August 2013 was quite possibly the worst day of my life, I cannot imagine what my Grandma, Mum & Uncle must be feeling. I never realised that loosing someone so close to me would feel like this, I cry randomly, feel sick on and off all the time and I just miss him incredibly. I wish they had tried to fix him, I wish that he didn’t get the C word as he could have lived beyond 100 years old. Who knows. He was my father figure for my 30 years: protecting me, teaching me, caring for me and showing me what is important in this world – I especially loved having the froth on top of his Guinness once a week growing up! I know how very lucky I am to have had him as such a huge part of my life…
I remember when I was a little girl,
You made my dolls house & brushed my curls.
Our weekly trips to the slide and swings,
I loved those days – when you’d jump and spring.
As I grew older I learnt a lot more,
Your life, your history, so much to explore.
The RAF, your sisters, your mother too,
I’m glad I found your long lost nephews.
The man that helped me see right from wrong,
the man who was full of smile and song.
The man I could go to when I needed you most,
Always encouraging, guiding and close.
I am glad you walked me down the aisle,
the silly comments that made me smile.
Little Noah & Isla loved you more than you’ll know,
I hope you will shine on them, watching them grow.
It’s hard to believe that you are gone from this place,
your jokes and your laughs, and the smile on your face.
I’m lucky to have you for all of my years,
I’ll keep you forever in my heart and my tears.