Where confidence really comes from

Everybody wants to be more confident. That’s because, no matter how confident you might currently be, you could always have more confidence. In a sense, this should fill you with a profound sense of hope, as it means that you can always become the confident person that you have often dreamed of being. But in order to do that, you have to get really clear on what exactly confidence is, and most importantly, where it really comes from. In this article, we are going to take a look at where confidence really comes from, so that you can hope to develop it further within yourself.

Living according to your values

One of the most important sources of real innate confidence is that you are living according to the values you hold dear. Many people are not currently living in such a way, and there are many reasons why that might be the case. But most commonly, it is a simple result of them not actually knowing what their true values are. If you are not yet sure of what your values really are, then you will find it challenging to be able to live according to them, of course. So how do you go about working out what you genuinely hold to be important?

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There are a few major ways that you can hope to do this. One is to simply spend some time in quiet contemplation, working out what you hold to be true. That could involve going on a silent meditation retreat, or it could be as simple as taking a weekend holiday by yourself. The more time you spend with yourself in this honest way, the more likely it is that you will get closer to your own truth about life. That’s what really matters here. Of course, holidays and retreats might not be necessary. At some point, you will want to be able to sit down and ask yourself these questions at any time of day, throughout your ordinary waking life. As long as you are getting closer to your values, that is what is really important here.

On top of that, you then need to start acting in ways as though you are starting to live according to your values. There might be a little faking it til you make it here, which is fine as long as it does become genuine. The point is to live as organically as possible, but according to those values that you have now discovered in yourself. If you can do that, you are going to be doing a lot of good for your feeling of confidence, and you will find that it really does make a huge difference. This is an important piece of groundwork for living in a much more confident manner, so make sure that you spend the time on it that is necessary to make it happen.

Building Loving Relationships

Most of us find it hard to be our best selves if we are not happy with the relationships we have in our lives. If you are keen to become your most confident self, then you are going to have to think about building loving relationships. That doesn’t mean that you should force anything, or that you should pretend to be close to people who you don’t feel particularly close to – that is not going to be an effective way of being with yourself or that person. But it does mean bringing your best self to your relationships as often as you possibly can, which is something that definitely takes a lot of practice to get right.

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Mostly, this means being compassionate and caring, but also looking after yourself as one part of the process. If you can do that evenly and honestly, you are going to find that you feel a lot more confident in no time, for the simple fact that these social bonds are a hugely valuable part of anyone’s confidence.

Throughout this, you should remember that you are probably going to have to ensure that your confidence is not actually dependent on anyone else. But at the same time, doing whatever you can to build and develop good relationships is certainly going to be helpful, so make sure that you are focused on that as well as possible. With good relationships around you, you should find that your natural confidence comes through in no time.

Working On Your Appearance

Although you don’t want your appearance to be the main basis of your confidence, for most of us it does have some effect, so it’s still an important thing to bear in mind. As long as you are happy with how you look, you are almost certainly going to find that this leads to greater confidence, and what’s more it is something that you can always work on if you try at it. This is not about trying to make yourself look like the cultural ideal, but about getting to a place where you are personally happy with your appearance for what it is.

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With that in mind, it’s important to get clear on what you want out of such improvements. It’s all about deciding for yourself what you want to look like, so that you can work out a good method for getting there. This might take some time, especially as you are going to have to work out what is really your own desire and what is the cultural one, but you need to do it if you are going to look your best for yourself.

If you know that you want to be slim and athletic, then you are going to find no better solution than regular exercise and a healthy, restricted diet. If you know that you want to build some muscle, then there is no way but to work on lifting weights and taking muscle rage. Whatever you want to look like, you have to work for it to ensure that you get there in good time.

Another important part of your appearance is knowing how to dress. Most of us want to have our own style which people can spot, as that helps with having a sense of identity, which in turn means that you are going to feel more confident. If you are keen to make sure of this, you will want to spend some time trying out different styles in the mirror to see which might work for you. After some trial and error, you should be able to get to a place where you are much more confident with your style and how you dress, and that will influence your confidence generally.

Build a Career

Whatever it is that you do for a living, it’s a good idea to work on it so that you are really building it into what you want to do with your life. A good career is one which utilises your skills in an original and enjoyable way, so try to build that kind of career as best as you can. You might find that this is enough to make you feel more confident at work, or you might also want to work on that specifically in itself too. In any case, your career is an important part of being more confident.

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As long as you take care of these things, you are going to live in much greater confidence in no time. That will lead to a better quality of life for you and those around you.

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6 Comments
  • Carly Belsey
    June 19, 2020

    Great to read, I really need to build my confidence. I have never really had any since I was bullied as a child, it stuck with me. I feel a lot better now im nearly 40 but there is always something holding me back and it is definitely my confidence.

  • Susan Smith
    June 20, 2020

    Alot of tips here, im quite a confident person, and enjoy dealing with people on a work basis

  • Margaret Gallagher
    June 23, 2020

    Beautiful piece – knowing oneself and being true really helps confidence

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