Parenthood is hard. There is no parent out there that will say it’s easy because it takes so much from you. I’ll start off by saying they don’t just take, those children of yours, but when you spend your whole life being you, it’s hard to give up some of you to be mum and dad. It then ends up that you become only mum and dad for a while, forgetting that before your cherubs came along, you were husband and wife. You had fun and romance and a lot of love for eachother, and while that love hasn’t changed, you certainly do things differently now. You need to think about how you can keep the relationship alive while you navigate feeds, nappies and endless sleepless nights.
Surprise date nights, spa days and mini holidays away are all things that you can do together to bring a little of the fun back into your relationship. You can drop the kids off at a friend’s house or at Grandma’s and take your relationship to the next level. You can be married for a decade and still aim to act like teenagers. You don’t have to get boring in your relationship, not when there are plenty of ways to spice things up a little. Get silly with custom face gifts or spend a night making cookies before binge-watching Dexter on Netflix. There are many ways to bring back that spark, and we’ve got tons of them listed for you below.
- Put You First. You are parents and you love your children, but you cannot let your relationship take a back seat to that love. You can’t make excuses for being tired or busy, and you need to remember that even when you’re not in the mood you can still do things together. You need to put yourselves first and invest your time in the relationship.
- Get Healthy. As a parent, sleep is tradeable currency. However, you need to put yourself first and feel good. Eat right, stay fit and sleep as much as you can. You can only pay attention to your relationship if you are feeling good about yourself, too.
- Spend Some Time. It’s nice to plan a full date night, but you need to ensure that the time that you spend together is quality time and not just time. It can be just sitting with a drink and having a good conversation without any distractions.
- Give Each Other Space. You are individuals as much as you are parents. You have to have your own happiness outside of your partner, and so do they. So, make sure that you are giving each other the space that you need to be your own people. There’s nothing wrong with time together, but you have to do it without suffocating each other.
- Make Sacrifices. It can be everything to your partner if you make an effort to get out of your comfort zone and into theirs for a bit. You may hate football, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get a strip and go to a game! He may hate watching the ballet, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t do that for you.
- Get Talking. Express how much you love each other as often as possible. Adding spice back to the marriage after children can be as simple as reminding each other that you are in love. It’s a good way to reassure your partner that you are there for them no matter what.
- Be Grateful. Being grateful for the things that you each bring to the relationship is a good way to show that you love each other and want to be together. Vocalising the things that you love that they do is going to show them that you really do love them and it brings you closer together.
- Be Tactile. Hug and touch each other. I’m not suggesting what to do in the bedroom, but a brush of the arm as you walk past, a tight hug that’s more than a perfunctory one and even a kiss or two in the day? They all bring you close together as a couple and can make the other person feel loved.
- Listen. When they are speaking, don’t interrupt. Hear what they have to say and be active in your listening, too. Don’t argue and show that you have respect for the things that they say. It goes a long way to being more mature if you’re making the effort to listen.
- Make Time For S.E.X. Yes, we’ve finally said it. Parents are exhausted humans. You’re working hard and raising children. Sex feels like it’s for the young and you’re in bed and asleep before anything can ever happen. You need to make time for sex, and we’re not suggesting that you put it on a schedule. Instead, we’re suggesting that you make your own time for it. If you’re looking for closeness, it’s a way to grab back that passion that you had together initially.
- Build Castles In The Sky. Discussing your goals and dreams will ensure that you understand where the other person is coming from. Share your wants and aspirations that you have for your children and each other and you will be able to make plans together for your life.
- Set Them Up. Put a surprise together for your partner. Bake a cake, make their favourite food, dress up a little so they double take when you walk into the room.
- Go Back In Time. If there was a favourite time of your life together, recreate it. Set up that meal, that scavenger hunt, that theme park day out. Get some babysitters in place and go out together to a place that brings back why you fell in love in the first place.
- Photoshoot. If you are feeling confident, book a boudoir photoshoot in sexy lingerie and put a picture into his wallet. The next time he opens it up, boom, you looking beautiful as a pinup!
- Write A Letter. Sometimes, the best way to show someone that you love them is with a letter. Write down all the things that you love about them and pour your heart out in beautiful penmanship. It’s romantic and unexpected, and you can indulge your partner with how much you want them for love and life!
- Empathise. It’s hard to talk about a hard day at work so when your partner is in a foul mood, make them a drink and sit to listen to them vent. You can bring them out of the mood if you’re there for them and make them feel like you are listening.
- Find Adventure. You’ve had children, which is the biggest adventure in life to have. However, you can still go and do things together that get your blood pumping. Book a bungee jump or a skydive together and touch the edge of the world!
Life is going to be boring and stagnant if you don’t have the adventures in your marriage. Your relationship after children DOES change, whether you wanted it to or not. However, you need to make sure that it’s not a mechanical thing to do and instead, you bring back the romance as much as possible. Life can be more interesting when you make an effort to be a partner as much as a parent. You’re looking for longevity here, and you can find it when you take the time to make it happen.