If you suspect that your child is using substances, it’s likely that you’ll be frightened. That’s a totally normal and understandable reaction. However, it’s important not to panic or jump to conclusions. Many signs associated with drug or alcohol use can also be linked to stress, bullying, mental health difficulties, changes in friendships, exam pressure or normal adolescent development. Instead of reacting immediately, take time to observe patterns. Look for repeated changes in behaviour, mood, sleep, appetite, school attendance, appearance, money use or social circles. Here are some things to look for, and what to do if you’re really worried:
Signs that your child may be using substances
You may notice secrecy, missing medication, unusual smells, unexplained tiredness, sudden anger or a loss of interest in hobbies. You might also come across worrying online searches, or your child hanging around with a new group. However, before you call a PCP rehab centre, remember that none of these signs is definitive. They can also be perfectly normal aspects of adolescence, or may be related to mental health issues that are nothing to do with substances. Maintain a level head, and keep a factual note of what you have seen, when it happened and why it concerned you. This can help you speak clearly and calmly if you need to raise the issue.
Choose the right time to talk
If you do decide to speak to your child, choose a private, calm moment when neither of you is rushed or upset. Avoid starting the conversation during an argument, when they appear intoxicated, or in front of siblings or friends. You want to communicate with them – not to interrogate or shame them.
Use gentle, direct language. For example, you might say: “I’ve noticed you seem very tired lately and you haven’t been yourself. I’m worried about you. Is anything going on?” Try not to begin with accusations such as “I know you’re taking drugs.” This may make the child defensive or frightened, which drastically reduces the chance that they will be honest.
Listen more than you speak
A child who is using substances may already feel ashamed, confused or scared. They may deny it, become angry, or shut down completely. Try to listen without interrupting. Let them know that your priority is their safety, not punishment.
If they do disclose substance use, thank them for telling you. Ask open questions such as what they have taken, how often, who they are with, and whether they feel pressured. Avoid making promises you cannot keep, especially if there is a risk of harm. For example, do not promise complete secrecy if you may need to involve another adult or professional to keep them safe.
Assess immediate risk
Some situations require urgent action. Call 999 or go to A&E if your child is unconscious, struggling to breathe, having chest pain, fitting, extremely confused, hallucinating, overheating, or cannot be woken. You should also seek emergency help if you suspect they have taken an unknown substance or mixed drugs with alcohol or medication.
If the child is at risk of exploitation, violence, sexual harm, self-harm or being pressured by older peers, this is a safeguarding concern. In these circumstances, it is important to involve appropriate professionals quickly.
Speak to trusted professionals
You do not have to manage the situation alone. If you are a parent or carer, consider speaking to the child’s GP, school nurse, pastoral lead, safeguarding lead or local young people’s drug and alcohol service. These services are used to support families and will focus on safety and wellbeing rather than judgement.
If you work with children, follow your organisation’s safeguarding policy. Record your concerns accurately and report them to the designated safeguarding lead. Do not investigate the matter yourself beyond what is necessary to establish immediate safety.
Set clear and supportive boundaries
Support does not mean ignoring risky behaviour. Children need boundaries, consistency and care. Make your expectations clear around substance use, staying out, communication, school attendance and who they spend time with. Explain the reasons behind rules, linking them to safety rather than control.
At the same time, try to keep the relationship warm. A child is more likely to seek help if they believe they can come to you without being humiliated or rejected. Calm consistency is usually more effective than threats or extreme punishments.
Consider underlying causes
Substance use in children and teenagers is often connected to something else. They may be trying to cope with anxiety, trauma, low mood, neurodiversity, family conflict, grief, peer pressure or loneliness. Addressing only the substance use may not be enough.
Encourage healthy routines, sleep, food, exercise and positive friendships. Offer help with counselling or mental health support if needed. If the child feels heard and supported, they may be more willing to accept help.
Look after yourself too
Supporting a child through suspected substance use can be emotionally exhausting. Seek advice from trusted adults, support services or your GP. If you are calm, informed and supported, you will be better able to help the child.
Above all, take concerns seriously, act with compassion, and prioritise safety.
