One question that my husband and I ask ourselves a lot is, “How do I get my teens off their devices?” It feels like one of the biggest parenting challenges we’ve faced. Noah will quite happily walk around the house watching YouTube on his iPhone, completely oblivious to everything happening around him! It’s frustrating because they’re not engaging with us as a family or even taking in what we’re saying. With new legislation around children’s online access also making headlines, it feels like the right time to help our teenagers find a healthier balance between screens and real life. Rather than fighting against technology, we’ve started being much more proactive about creating reasons to put the phones down.
Why taking phones away isn’t the answer
We’ve found that teenagers respond much better when they’re moving towards something fun, rather than away from something they’re enjoying. We could take their phones away, but to them it’s like a punishment and on most occasions we do not want it to feel like a punishment – we just want them to engage with us or pay attention to what we are saying. It is literally an extension of Noah’s arm right now! So, we are encouraging activities that we can do altogether as a family, or with them separately and ensuring that we do not add any negative language, that might make it feel like a punishment.
These are all things that we try and have worked for more than 10 minutes:
Make friendship bracelets together
This is something that I love doing with Isla. We can sit for hours making bracelets and we’ve both got quite competitive about whose bracelet turns out best!! We use clay beads and glass beads, we have all the kit and in the summer it’s lovely to sit outside in the garden. We sit and chat, laugh about our latest creations or put a film on in the background. It’s become one of my favourite ways to spend time with her.
Play card games together
We always keep a pack of UNO cards with us, or Monopoly Deal, whether they’re in the campervan or tucked away in my handbag. They’re perfect for waiting for food in a restaurant, relaxing after a busy day on holiday or simply sitting around the table at home. It’s amazing how quickly everyone gets competitive and starts chatting. Before you know it, half an hour has disappeared and nobody has even thought about picking up their phone. UNO is definitely our family favourite, but any card game that gets everyone involved works just as well.
Try paint by numbers
I subscribed to the Disney paint by numbers magazines and we have a huge stock of them now. I love getting crafty with Isla as she is very creative too – so it is something that we can sit and do together (a bit like the bracelet making). I have recently ordered from the DIY Art Club website, I am very excited to see if I can do that any justice. I will keep you posted on that one!
Spend a day at the beach
This doesn’t have to cost a fortune, as long as you can get to the coast. We take activities with us, like cricket or our travel badminton net, and we set up at our favourite beach for the day. We either take a picnic, for our lunch, and get fish n chips en route home – or take a disposable BBQ, where we are allowed. We often take the paddleboard too and the kids love taking it in turns out in the sea, when it’s calm enough to do so safely. We can fill an entire day at the beach with no moans, quite often there is no phone signal either (at the beach we frequent) and so it almost forces them off their devices quite naturally.
Go paddleboarding as a family
We love paddleboarding, and kayaking, we have 2 of each and so we can go out on the water altogether or partner up! Quite often we go out on 2 paddleboards and Isla will come with me, Noah will go with Dad – albeit as Noah has had a growth spurt we might need to split that differently next time! It’s a great way to enjoy time together and being active, there really is something mesmerising about being out on the water. We often take a picnic and stop along the way – the kids will jump into the river and swim where they can. It’s just really nice to do this together!
Make campervan trips an adventure
Since getting our campervan this is something we do more frequently, which you can tailor if you do not have one – you can rent them or you can take a tent and camp! Essentially I am saying; get on a campsite somewhere and enjoy the basics in life. Run to the campsite toilets in your PJs with a torch, cook dinner outside and spend the evening playing cards instead of scrolling – It’s all part of the adventure! We have had some fabulous times together as a family when we have been camping.
Kick a football around the park
It’s pretty basic, but Noah lives and breathes football – so this one is an easy one for us. He will sometimes organise to go to the park with his friends, or Dad goes with him and he does sometimes go on his own. He loves football, so we hone in on that. Get him doing something he enjoys and away from the Xbox for a short time. If we can get him outside doing the real thing, that’s always a parenting win.
Play cricket together
We have a little cricket set that we take with us to the park, or beach, and it is really fun and quick to set up. The kids can whack the ball really far now though, so I have to be up for running! Last time we played this on the beach, I had to run after the ball across a stony beach and I fell in the most spectacular way – which did entertain the teens!
Have a Nerf battle
This is one of my favourite memories: we took all our Nerf equipment to the park (which is just over the road) and we had the ultimate Nerf battle between the 4 of us. It was great fun. We hid between the trees, some Nerf guns went further than others – we teamed up and played individually. It was hours of fun! We probably lost a lot of the Nerf bullets though!
Cool off with a water balloon fight
This is the kids latest craze, they love filling up all the water balloons, dividing them up between them, and launching them at each other from across the garden. Hubby had to shelter under an umbrella the other evening – which was quite funny. They can tie the balloons up themselves, so its a good game for them to do independently. The water balloons do leave residue in the garden though, which we encourage the children to pick up.
Bake or cook together
The kids like being in the kitchen, Hubby is really great in showing them how to do things and they are really up for learning. Isla loves baking too, so she is happy to get creative – she made these Brookies the other day and they were absolutely delicious! Noah loves making air fryer pizzas, or a toastie. I love that they’re both becoming so confident in the kitchen… especially as I’m definitely not!
Let your teenagers choose the activity
A “YES” day is always on the kids list. They love being in charge of the activities. It keeps them engaged and you get their buy-in if they have chosen it themselves. Get a glass jar, get all the family to write activities on a slip of paper, fold it in half and put it in the jar – let the kids take it in turns to choose one. We have had some wild ideas in the past, but we always try to accommodate them! Maybe come up with some rules – like it must be within 2 hours from home.
Finding the right balance with screen time
Honestly, I love spending time with the kids. As they’re getting older, the conversations are changing too. They’re confiding in us more, and that feels really special. They both seem to talk to us more about how they are feeling when we are doing something together. I know devices are a part of their world, and we will never change that, but getting that balance is really helping us as a family. Especially over the summer holidays!
Quality time doesn’t always have to mean being active either. Some of our favourite evenings have been curled up together watching a series we all enjoy. We started watching Stranger Things with Isla when she was 12, and it became something we all looked forward to. Sharing a programme together is still quality time, because they’re engaging with you rather than disappearing into their own individual worlds. If you’re wondering whether it’s suitable, you might enjoy reading my article about watching Stranger Things with a 12-year-old.
If you’re asking yourself, “How do I get my teens off their devices?”, my biggest piece of advice is this: don’t make it about taking something away. Make it about giving them something even better to look forward to. We’ve found that approach has made all the difference.
